Dump Him!!!

I know. I told you time and time again that I don’t make New Year resolutions. And I seriously stand by my word. I’m not going to make any resolutions, except one. Please forgive me. But I really have to make an exception for this year – only this year.

There’s a certain somebody in my life I really need to DUMP! Seriously, it’s not a hoax. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that this person…okay, this guy, is a thorn in my flesh and the only way I can live a fruitful life in 2015 and beyond is to get rid of him one way or the other. And so in 2015, I’ve resolved to dump all my non-performing “friends”, especially...this particular one!

The truth is that we all have some ‘strange friends’ in our live that we’ve been trying to shake off for some time now to no avail. I believe it’s time to face the hard truth. You have to intentionally get rid of some of the people who have cluttered your life that you just keep on wishing you didn’t have to deal with.

Philosophically, we all like to think we choose our friends. But the opposite is quite often the standard for quite a number of people. Our friends choose us. There are people that have inseminated themselves into our lives on our blind sides. All of a sudden they are coming to our houses, we are attending a do at their house, their children are attending the same school with ours, and you are attending their grandparent’s funeral, and so forth. And sometimes you just keep on wondering “how did I get here?”

In as much as I’m an advocate of trying to “live at peace with all men”, I also believe that it important to sift through and know the people you regard and relate to as friends. You see, friends, unlike family, are the one group of people you have a choice to relate to or not. You don’t choose your family, but you can definitely choose your friends.

Without sounding like some high-society snob, which I’m not, my advice to you this year is for you the avoid bringing the following kind of friends into your life:

Ms. Amanda Competition: My ‘super fun’ cousin was regaling me with stories the other day about this super competitive neighbor of hers who had firmly established herself into their lives. This neighbor will pop in every now and then to let her know what new changes was happening in their house or how expensive her new kitchen cabinets were in comparison to hers, or how much she spent on what.

From showy children’s parties to new lace dresses, this neighbor was determined to get a bigger and better version of whatever it was that my cuz and her hubby got. She had tried everything to avoid or cut short the visits and tag-alongs from this neighbor, even to the point of getting her boys to lie about their availability, but it wasn’t working.

Pretty Petty: Ms. Pretty Petty will pick on everything you do and make a mountain out of a grain of sand if she can. She is that office colleague who is making a ruckus over a strange mug on her desk or the fact that the AC is not on swing. You don’t know how she does it, but she’s standing over your shoulders to correct your every mistake and insisting to get her a new pen because she saw you using hers the other day. My sister told me about her office colleague who came in early one morning to dent everyone’s (metal mesh) trash bin because someone dented hers!

Mr. Kofi Complainer: I worked with this guy who once complained that his shirt was too white and was bound to make him too conscious of himself the whole day. Kofi Downer has a PhD in complaining. He’s a master whiner and will complain about everything including his own great mood. He puts a bumper on every party and constantly rains on your parade. Frankly, you wonder why he bothers to tag along if he is so sure he’s not going to have any fun.

Miss. Lisbeth Leeches: Miss. Leeches is a leech, plain and simple. She tags along just for what he will get from you. She’s happiest joining you to town and makes sure her purse if virtually empty. She never pays for her share of the food or drinks and has no qualms about asking for little loans. She plans her activities around you and informs you ahead of time on which part of her birthday party bill you are footing.

Ms. Constance Depressed: She’s woe me! She’s always not too pretty, not good enough, had a horrible childhood and a stepmother who abused her emotionally.

All the people in the office don’t like her including the new guys who were just hired. She’s unappreciated and feels life is not worth it. No guy will every marry her and even the ones who come up to her are all not sensitive enough! Whew! She emotionally blackmails you to keep the friendship as any sign of abounding her is just confirming what she’s always suspected – you just feel sorry for her!

Well, I’m tired! I could go on and on, gossips; lazy people, drama queens, quilt trippers, immature babies, attention seekers, etc. But these are just but five examples of the people I’m going to get rid of in my life this year. I’m dumping them before I lose my mind and do something crazy – like introduce them to another friend of mine.

Trust me, ending a friendship is as difficult as breaking-up with someone. I’m hoping any of these tips could help (depending): Decline the offer of friendship as nicely and tactfully as possible – That is if you’re not already ‘friends’.

Whenever it is possible, let your friendship fade off. Without a lot of work, some friendships will naturally come to an end. Tell them in not so many words why you are ending the friendship – Don’t lie. Be truthful about how they affect you.

Please be sure to break-up in person. It’s very cowardly and uncourteous to break-up with someone via text message or email or through a 3rd party. Be sure that the message is clear and that they don’t leave assuming you’re joking or that they can still be around you. Commit to the break-up. At least make a clean break, both in person and on social media.

There are some people who can completely be oblivious to all the above tactics – even including plainly spelling it out. You don’t need to resort to meanness, but by firmly following your words with your action and pray they go away! Happy, happy New Year and I pray that I can be the kind of friend you need and if I’m not, don’t hesitate to dump me. I will understand and move on…