Irresponsible fatherhood

In recent weeks I have had interaction with a number of women whose husbands have abandoned them and their children. The children have thus become burdens on the women while the fathers who professed love to the women are free of any obligation to the children, most of whom bear their names.

In the case of one, she faced difficulties as a young girl, having lost the mother in her early teens. There was this gentleman who was so nice to her and provided most of her needs. Therefore, when the gentleman benefactor proposed to marry her, she did not hesitate. They had their first child within a year of the marriage and lived happily until the second child arrived. Thereafter, the man treated her as if having the second child were a crime. Within three months of the baby is life, the man abandoned them and she has since not set eyes on him.

More agony While nurturing her pain, she met a second man who not only proposed marriage, but wedding—ordinance marriage. She was full of hope and was delighted when the wedding took place. But that was the beginning of another nightmare as the man abandoned her as soon as she became pregnant. She was subjected to daily beatings. She was not divorced and does not have the money to legally end the marriage, so she cannot remarry. Now she is burdened with caring for three children and denied the privilege of courtship.

There is this other one who has for the past 20 years borne the responsibility of catering for four children. The former husband has the means but has declined to support the children following the divorce. The woman initiated the divorce because she was constantly assaulted for all the years that the marriage persisted. The man is jealous, envious and above all a drunk.

Story of JHS leaver My recourse to the issue stemmed from a recent experience. There was a young girl whose innocent pleadings with the mother touched my heart. She got aggregate 10 at the BECE but was not placed in any of her chosen schools. She realised that some of her mates who had lower grades had been placed. She told her mother, that if indeed she had a father, he would have looked for a school for her.

When I heard this I appreciated the difficulty of the mother who had single-handedly brought up this girl since the father abandoned them. I took it upon myself to get her admission and thankfully following that intervention, she was placed in her second choice school. Encouragement We need to encourage such mothers to come into the open to tell their stories. Most of them are reluctant to seek legal redress because of anticipated social stigma that they may be labelled as BY BROWSER SHOP" HREF="#">GOLD diggers.

As a society, we should acknowledge it that the time has come for us to look into such social problems and find suitable and appropriate antidotes to them. While we could pride ourselves on being non-discriminatory against women, there are nonetheless certain practices and acts which make women subservient. We have to take steps to functionally make women equal to men. That means that we have to fight any inhibitions that overburden women. There is no Ghanaian culture which supports irresponsible fatherhood, but certain acts do not give meaning to the values underlined by culture.

It should not be left with women organisations and gender activists to fight the battle of irresponsible fatherhood. Women must be educated and empowered to pursue their fundamental rights and not mortgage their future. While it is true that they cannot abandon the children because they were unlucky to have married or been made pregnant by irresponsible men, it will not be fair for them to carry the full burden on their shoulders, especially in situations where they were forced to become housewives.

Michael Essien case When the issue of Michael Essien and the neglect of his father came up, there were many who condemned his mother, but when the neglect of the young Essien came up, the father could not defend himself. The public judged in error, which begged the issues.

The time has come to develop measures to guarantee mothers reasonable expectation of responsible fatherhood. Men must learn that children must not be innocent victims of broken love, otherwise they will abandon us. There is an anonymous saying that “our children are like visitors. If we treat them well, when they grow up they will always pay us regular visits.” Billy Graham has noted that “a good father is one of the most unsung, un-praised, unnoticed and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”