Letter from Buea to Yaounde

Dear Ngwa,

I have this strong feeling that you must have had presentiments of a tragedy, waiting to happen. It was reflected in your last mail to me. Not only did you reel out a list of very dear human beings, committed in their respective corners of social assignment and endeavour; but a strong element of a lingering swansong or dirge rang out in almost every line of your letter.

You went down memory line to remember the Late Pen Apostle, Dele Giwa, whom the Doddan Barracks jack boots allegedly bombed to the hereafter. You even philosophically, went Shakespearean, by quoting his Macbeth classic. Not to talk of the “Anglicans” who serve the Ongola Bourgeoisie with abnegation, until they are cut down or simply sent to the political knackers.

Ngwa, I tremble at this fact; I am bogged down by a nagging foreboding, yet, I still see myself bound in etiquette to point out some of these painful truths. I certainly don’t like your “ngambe” predictions, not to say your TB Joshua-like convenient prophesies.

I am tempted to think that if you didn’t prophesy, albeit, philosophically, our own very paragon of elocution, the veritable Bochong would not have joined his ancestors at a time when he was effectively showing other Apostles of the Grandstands, how it is, they must put micro-finance cash at the reach of the common man. He was a committed old fellow, who gave his all to what he professed, even if the Heavens fell. God will surely reward him with a place in His Kingdom. That much, I am pretty sure of.

Back here, Lord Lundy is still far too freely moved to tears. Did you learn that he selectively conscripted the bread and butter scribblers and shared out the crumbs for effect? It was some sort of a sacrament or payola of reconciliation, during which the cringing Iscariots were fed with a little more than thirty pieces of “gombo”.

The question is, if the Jack in office had performed so creditably and made enough news to be noticed by this performance, what then was being reconciled; or better still, who was he reconciling with? Do you go a-begging, eager to rationalise or justify what is right, credible, and open for all to see? Tell me another story. Or where does the legal element of “res ipsa loquito” or the facts speaking for themselves come in here?

Ngwa, very few people of this world have suicidal instincts. In effect, there are very few people on God’s earth who would go all out to die, just for the sake of dying. Better still, few are there, who do not subscribe to the Hobbesian theory of self preservation.

They only die for country and brethren. Reason why I doff my hat to the valiant troops fighting those “haramic” cowards up North. Going by prevailing circumstances, I support the means adopted so far, in stopping the crusading monsters from disturbing the peace and taking innocent life which they never created in the first place. In fact, such less than beastly creatures should even be banned from procreating.

My only worry is with this allegation that they are being inadvertently armed in exchange for, or to bring back a handful of “wifelier” wives. This is not so good; in fact, it is outright demoralising to the morale of these valiant bees that have been stinging the dastardly fanatical honey out of these bastards in the bush. I submit that we should never compromise, nay, negotiate with the devil, especially as we have already adopted the politico-spiritual option of banishing them to Hades.

Ngwa, let me leave you for now, hoping, of course, that you have started preparing for us to give our lyrical warrior, Bochong, the final honour he deserves.

Greet your body for me.