Ken's Letter to Santa
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you
for changes in her contract, specifically asking for
anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks
were made about me, my ability to please, and some of my
fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to
inform you of some issues concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of
my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel
Barbie DOES NOT deserve preferential treatmen; the bitch has
EVERYTHING! I, along with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO
NOT have a dream house, Corvette, evening gowns, and in some
cases, the ability to change our hairstyle. I personally have
3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at great length.
My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was my
decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I, too, would like a change in my career. Have you
considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of
Work Actor Ken"? In addition, there are several other avenues
which could be considered such as:"S&M Ken", "Green Lantern
Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken". These would
more accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open new
markets. And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she
can"push me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick that
bitch to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful for
me in other situations- we've talked about this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further
concessions to the blonde bimbo from Hell will result in
action taken by myself and others.
PS. Barbie can forget about having Joe; he's mine, at least
that is what he said last night.