Christmas Jokes

Twelve Days of Christmas - 90s Style

Chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to
me Is


ONE: Finding a Christmas tree. ****


TWO ---- Husband (2): Rigging up the lights, Chorus: And
finding a Christmas tree.


THREE ------ The third thing at Christmas that's such a
pain to me: Inebriated man (3): Hangovers, 2: Rigging up the
lights, Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.


FOUR ----- The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain
to me: Frustrated man (4): Sending Christmas cards, 3:
Hangovers, 2: Rigging up the lights, Chorus: And finding a
Christmas tree.


FIVE ----- The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain
to me: Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4:
Sending Christmas cards, 3: Hangovers, 2: Rigging up the
lights, Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.


SIX --- The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to
me: Frustrated wife (6): Facing my in-laws, Chorus: F i v e
m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Oh, I hate those Christmas
cards, 3: Hangovers, 2: Rigging up these lights, Chorus: And
finding a Christmas tree. ****


SEVEN ------ The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a
pain to me: Angry man (7): The Salvation Army, 6: Facing my
in-laws, Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4:
Sending Christmas cards, 3: Oh, Jeez! 2: I'm trying to rig up
these lights! Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.


EIGHT ----- The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a
pain to me: Loud kid (8): I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!
7: Charities 6: And what do you mean, "your in-laws"?!?
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Oh,
making out these cards, 3: Edith, get me a beer, huh? 2:
What? We have no extension cords?!? Chorus: And finding a
Christmas tree. ****


NINE ---- The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to
me: Another frustrated man (9): No parking spaces, 8: DADDY,
I WANT SOME CANDY!! 7: Donations! 6: Facing my in-laws,
Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Writing
out those Christmas cards, 3: Hangovers, 2: Now why the hell
are they blinking?!? Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.


TEN ---- The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to
me: Toy-commercial voice (10): "Batteries not included", 9:
No parking spaces, 8: BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!! 7: Get a job, ya
bum!!! 6: (sobbing) Oh, facing my in-laws, Chorus: F i v e
m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4: Yo, ho! Sending Christmas
cards, 3: Oh, Jeez, look at this! 2: One light goes out, they
ALL go out!!! Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.


ELEVEN ------- The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a
pain to me: TV Critic (11): Stale TV specials, 10: "Batteries
not included", 9: No parking spaces, 8: I GOTTA GO TO THE
BATHROOM!!!! 7: Charities!! 6: (sobbing) She's a witch! I
hate her! Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4:
Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people! 3: Oh, who's got the
toilet paper? 2: Get a flashlight!! I blew a fuse!!! Chorus:
And finding a Christmas tree.


TWELVE ------ The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a
pain to me: A few guys: Singing Christmas Carols, 11: Stale
TV specials, 10: "Batteries not included", 9: No parking? 8:
WAAAAAAH!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! 7: Charities! 6: Gotta make 'em
dinner! Chorus: F i v e m o n t h s of b i l l s, 4:
I'm not sending them this year, that's it! 3: Shut up, you!
2: FINE!! If you're so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!!!
Chorus: And finding a Christmas tree.

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