Christmas Jokes

'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Santa's Pissed Version

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - SANTA's PISSED
VERSION ___________________________________ Twas the Night
before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the
elves and threw down the list.


Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks, I have a
good mind to scrap the whole works!


I've busted my butt for almost a year, instead of "Thanks
Santa!" - What do I hear?


The old lady bitches, cause I work late at night, The elves
want more money - the reindeer all fight!


Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids, Donner is
pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.


And just when I thought that things would get better Those
jerks from IRS sent me a letter.


It says I owe taxes.. if that ain't damn funny Who the hell
ever sent Santa Claus any money?


And the kids these days- they are all the pits They want the
impossible.. those mean little twits!


I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling
dolls, their arms, legs, and heads.


I made a ton of yo-yo's - no request for them. They all
want computers.. they think I'm IBM!


If you think that is bad.. just picture this.. Try holding
those little brats, with their pants full of piss.


They pull at your nose, they grab at my beard And if I
don't smile, the parent's think that I'm weird.


Flying though the air, dodging the trees. Falling down
chimneys and skinning my knees.


I'm quittin this job, there's just no enjoyment. I'll sit
on my fat butt and draw unemployment.


There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason..
I've found me a blonde... I'm going south for the season!

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