Christmas Jokes

'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Internet Style

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Geeks? Yeah, you bet.

The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes
that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While
visions of Java danced in their dreams.

My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled
down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped
to the site to see what was the matter.

To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight
gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned
my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, My Mac
jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick, I knew in
a moment it must be St. Nick!

More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came, Then
Nick glanced toward my screen, My Mac called them by name:

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel; "On Apple! On
Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!

"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip! Now speed it
up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my RAM, Then into
my room rose a full hologram!

He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!

His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno! This
ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head, Santa soon
let me know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke, And accessed
my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a SIMM, Then threw
in some cool games, just on a whim!

He worked without noise, his fingers they flew! He
distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken, Then added a screen
saver with a red clucking chicken!

My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape, As he added
the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased, St. Nick
coyly smiled, the computer appeased.

Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose, Santa
turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink, Back
into the net with barely a blink.

But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

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