Speak Nicely to Santa Claus
A little kid sits on Santa's lap, and Santa says, "What
would you like for Christmas?" The kid says, "A $*#%@#$
swingset." Santa says, "You'll have to ask nicer than that
if you want Santa to bring you presents. Let's try again.
What else would you like?"
The kid says, "A $*#%@#$ sandbox for the side yard." Santa
says, "That's no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What
else would you like for Christmas?"
The boy thinks for a minute, and then he says, "I want a
$*#%@#$ trampoline in the front yard." Santa lifts the boy
off his lap and goes to talk to the kid's parents. He tells
them what the kid said, and then says, "I know how to stop
it. Don't get him anything for Christmas except dog doo. Put
a pile of dog doo in the backyard where he wants the
swingset, put another pile in the side yard where he wants
the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he
wants the trampoline. That should make him change his tune."
Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his
presents, and there aren't any. He runs out the back door,
looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door,
looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the front door,
looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head.
His father says, "What's wrong, son?" The kid says, "Santa
brought me a $*#%@#$ dog, but I can't find him."