Christmas Jokes

'Twas The Night Before Christmas - Parent's Version

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse Instructions
were studied and we were inspired, in hopes we could manage
"Some Assembly Required." The children were quiet (not
asleep) in their beds, while Dad and I faced the evening with
dread: a kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot! We opened the
boxes, my heart skipped a beat - let no parts be missing or
parts incomplete! "Too late for last-minute returns or
replacement; if we can't get it right, it goes in the
basement! When what to my worrying eyes should appear but 50
sheets of directions, concise, but not clear, With each part
numbered and every slot named, so if we failed, only we
could be blamed. More rapid than eagles the parts then fell
out, all over the carpet they were scattered about. "Now bolt
it! Now twist it! Attach it right there! Slide on the seats,
and staple the stair! Hammer the shelves, and nail to the
stand." "Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand." And
then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact that all the toy
dealers had indeed made a pact to keep parents busy all
Christmas Eve night with "assembly required" till morning's
first light We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt. The
coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin before we
attached the last rod and last pin. Then laying the tools
away in the chest, we fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out, "This
will be the best Christmas, without any doubt. Tomorrow
we'll cheer, let the holiday ring, and not have to run to
the store for a thing! We did it! We did it! The toys are
all set for the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefull went,
though I suppose there's something to say for those
self-deluded- I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never

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