Yaoundé — In Cameroon, parents are finding it increasingly difficult to communicate with their children. At the same time, children are embarrassed to discuss sensitive topics with their parents.
Martin Mbog is a 22 year old student. In June 2011, he moved into a room near the university campus in the Cameroonian capital, Yaoundé, paid for by his father. "I wanted to live closer to the university,' Mbog says. "But there was also too much tension between my father and I." The two are unable to communicate.
"Every time I start a conversation with my father, we end up arguing, whatever the topic. He can't tolerate anyone who has an opinion different from his. Our relationship is deteriorating day by day. That's why my mother thought it wise that I leave house."
Incomprehension
The son of a wealthy businessman, Mbog says he just isn't very close to his parents. "My father is very easily offended. He criticises everybody's choices and feels frustrated when you don't consider his opinion. We are like strangers. We can spend two to three months without talking to each other," complains Mbog. As for his mother, she is very busy with her charity activities.
At the moment, the main points of contention between Martin Mbog and his father are his studies and his love life. "My father always refused to talk about sex. But when he found out I have a girlfriend, he asked me questions about her parents and he clearly said he didn't approve of our relationship because my girlfriend is poor." Mbog says his father doesn't like the idea that he wants to become a soldier either.
Inability
Sociologist Roger Melingui is not surprised by this lack of communication between the generations. The dialogue breakdown is inevitable, he says, due to a "clash of cultures".
"In the context of globalisation, for example, intergenerational dialogue is complicated for the older generation of Africans. A few years ago, children were considered to be dependent, to think or make decisions for themselves). Today, children do have rights. With the internet and other information and communication technologies of today, children are more open to the world and more mature. It's something some parents may not understand."
"The breakdown in dialogue between parents and children is caused by a combination of several factors, such as education, social background, personal history of the parents and even their temperament," says Iris Efoa, a psychologist in Yaoundé.
"Adults sometimes stop the dialogue to hide their inability to solve a problem or to conceal their embarrassment about an issue that may seem trivial; for example, when a child naively asks its father where babies come from."
No taboos
For Chaveline Ngaffo, a 21-year-old student, there is no breakdown in dialogue. Rather, the opposite is true. Her father, a sales executive in the field of medicine, is open to all kinds of discussion. But this doesn't always help matters either.
"I am sometimes embarrassed by the openness of my father," says Ngaffo. "He really addresses all kinds of issues: sex, orgasm, disappointments in love heartbreak. One time, he started to show me how to use a condom! When he started talking about the erect penis, I have to admit - I was really embarrassed!"
Martial Ngaffo, Chaveline's father explains: "I would like to be not only a father but also a confidant for my children. I myself suffered from a lack of dialogue with my parents, especially during puberty when I needed to understand certain things. I do not want my children to have to go through the same thing."
Don't overdo it
But this is not where it stopped for Martial Ngaffo. Conscious that many parents do not talk with their children, he began to give advice to his daughter's girlfriends. Without much success. "My girlfriends are embarrassed by the straightforwardness of my father. They avoid coming over when he's around," says Chaveline.
Psychologist Iris Efoa thinks that parents shouldn't overdo it. "The adult should just show the child that they are willing to talk, and then let the child come to them. And, when talking to the child, parents should be able to refer to things without being crude, avoiding words that have some erotic charge."
Sociologist Roger Melingui thinks that with time, intergenerational dialogue will improve. "First, because young people become parents early, and because we can not live on the fringe of society. Old-fashioned parents will necessarily have to adapt to new lifestyles."
Yaoundé — In Cameroon, parents are finding it increasingly difficult to communicate with their children. At the same time, children are embarrassed to discuss sensitive topics with their parents.
Martin Mbog is a 22 year old student. In June 2011, he moved into a room near the university campus in the Cameroonian capital, Yaoundé, paid for by his father. "I wanted to live closer to the university,' Mbog says. "But there was also too much tension between my father and I." The two are unable to communicate.
"Every time I start a conversation with my father, we end up arguing, whatever the topic. He can't tolerate anyone who has an opinion different from his. Our relationship is deteriorating day by day. That's why my mother thought it wise that I leave house."
Incomprehension
The son of a wealthy businessman, Mbog says he just isn't very close to his parents. "My father is very easily offended. He criticises everybody's choices and feels frustrated when you don't consider his opinion. We are like strangers. We can spend two to three months without talking to each other," complains Mbog. As for his mother, she is very busy with her charity activities.
At the moment, the main points of contention between Martin Mbog and his father are his studies and his love life. "My father always refused to talk about sex. But when he found out I have a girlfriend, he asked me questions about her parents and he clearly said he didn't approve of our relationship because my girlfriend is poor." Mbog says his father doesn't like the idea that he wants to become a soldier either.
Inability
Sociologist Roger Melingui is not surprised by this lack of communication between the generations. The dialogue breakdown is inevitable, he says, due to a "clash of cultures".
"In the context of globalisation, for example, intergenerational dialogue is complicated for the older generation of Africans. A few years ago, children were considered to be dependent, to think or make decisions for themselves). Today, children do have rights. With the internet and other information and communication technologies of today, children are more open to the world and more mature. It's something some parents may not understand."
"The breakdown in dialogue between parents and children is caused by a combination of several factors, such as education, social background, personal history of the parents and even their temperament," says Iris Efoa, a psychologist in Yaoundé.
"Adults sometimes stop the dialogue to hide their inability to solve a problem or to conceal their embarrassment about an issue that may seem trivial; for example, when a child naively asks its father where babies come from."
No taboos
For Chaveline Ngaffo, a 21-year-old student, there is no breakdown in dialogue. Rather, the opposite is true. Her father, a sales executive in the field of medicine, is open to all kinds of discussion. But this doesn't always help matters either.
"I am sometimes embarrassed by the openness of my father," says Ngaffo. "He really addresses all kinds of issues: sex, orgasm, disappointments in love heartbreak. One time, he started to show me how to use a condom! When he started talking about the erect penis, I have to admit - I was really embarrassed!"
Martial Ngaffo, Chaveline's father explains: "I would like to be not only a father but also a confidant for my children. I myself suffered from a lack of dialogue with my parents, especially during puberty when I needed to understand certain things. I do not want my children to have to go through the same thing."
Don't overdo it
But this is not where it stopped for Martial Ngaffo. Conscious that many parents do not talk with their children, he began to give advice to his daughter's girlfriends. Without much success. "My girlfriends are embarrassed by the straightforwardness of my father. They avoid coming over when he's around," says Chaveline.
Psychologist Iris Efoa thinks that parents shouldn't overdo it. "The adult should just show the child that they are willing to talk, and then let the child come to them. And, when talking to the child, parents should be able to refer to things without being crude, avoiding words that have some erotic charge."
Sociologist Roger Melingui thinks that with time, intergenerational dialogue will improve. "First, because young people become parents early, and because we can not live on the fringe of society. Old-fashioned parents will necessarily have to adapt to new lifestyles."
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